I wrote this book because it is what I needed when I was a little girl. I grew up in a school and neighborhood that did not always choose to see me and accept me exactly as I am. I too often felt pressure to conform and fit in, and often in ways that did not resonate with me as a person. On top of that, I became a people pleaser because I did not like how it felt to be ostracized. I understood why the ostracism was happening: I was one of very few kids of color in my neighborhood when I was little, so I was always made to feel like an outsider, by kids who had no tolerance or love for people different from them. From my first girl scout troop meeting to community cheerleading, to my first and last sleepover (it happened fast and I never wanted to do it again – I hated sleepovers), there was always something making me feel like I didn’t belong. That kind of isolation can be really difficult to navigate alone, but there I was, in a constant state of trying to find my place.
I am fortunate to have incredible parents; when I was sad about not being invited to things, my dad would pack my brother and me up in his car and drive us 20 minutes away to visit with our “cousins” the children of his navy buddies, or my mom came up with elaborate ideas to help uplift us. She even started a charm school once to teach me and some of the kids I knew self-esteem and self-care. Yet even with all their love and attention, it was still very hard to manage always feeling like an outsider and never really feeling SEEN by my peers.
My mom, who passed away in 2006, was an incredible caregiver and humanitarian. I remember one of our teachers for the charm school, a young Latino, gay man, we’ll call him Robert. Robert had been ostracized by his family because of their homophobia, and my mom became like a second mom to him, the mom who accepted him for exactly who he was. She gave him a job at her charm school, and he taught us kids loads of things about beauty and fashion. He even gave me a charm for my bracelet when I graduated high school. He was the funniest, most gentle, and often sad soul, I’ll never forget how lovely of a human he was; he showed me what friendship really looked like and his relationship with my mom as a parental figure to him taught me that we don’t always have to be related by blood to care. The greatest part of my childhood happened inside my home, where I had love, support, guidance, care and was protected fiercely by people who happily uplifted me, supported me and loved me unconditionally.
I wrote this book because not everyone has that kind of home life and unconditional love. In over 30 years in the mental health field, I learned that many young people have nothing like what I had in my home, and I was determined to be the person to give kids that kind of safe space to learn, to grow, to challenge themselves and to find unconditional love and acceptance. So I wrote this book as a kind of love letter to ANY young person in need of love and care. I hope you find it helpful. In closing, I’ll share that even now I find myself picking up Rise and Thrive all the time, to help ground me, to remind me that I have tools for coping and to wrap me in a warm hug of words whenever I need a little extra support.
Let Rise and Thrive: A Mental Health Workbook for Youth and for the Young Person Inside All of Us do the same for you. And maybe buy a few extra copies for your friends and loved ones whom you know need some support as well.
As always… Wishing you lots of love and light and hoping that both are informed by good, culturally relevant science.
— Dr. Alfiee
