Caring for Your Mental Health in a Black Household That Doesn’t Understand

When Support at Home Is Hard to Find

How in a Black household do you carry on with issues of mental health when people around you are not supportive? When they tell you things like “just carry on,” “just get over it,” or “move past it,” and they don’t offer much support—how do you keep going?

While these questions focus on Black households, this experience can show up in many communities of Color, and even in White households as well. The truth is: navigating mental health without a supportive environment is hard—but not impossible.

Start with This: What Do You Need?

So essentially, what you want to be thinking about is:
 “What are my needs in the moment?”

It’s really less about what other people think your needs are (outside of the fact that you may need them to offer support). When it’s hard to get support from people in your home around issues of mental illness, it’s often because you’re already struggling with something deeply personal—your own mental health.

Give Yourself What Others Can’t (or Won’t)

If your household isn’t a safe space for mental health conversations, one of the most important things you can do is get clear on what you need, and then provide that for yourself.

Let go—bit by bit—of the hope that your loved ones will fully understand what you’re going through. Sometimes, people aren’t unwilling to support you; they’re just unable to. And when you’re in survival mode, waiting for their understanding can become a weight you no longer need to carry.

Educate Yourself and Take Preventative Action

Understanding your own needs and educating yourself about mental health are powerful tools. Be proactive.

For example, if you have anxiety, make sure you’re managing your exposure to triggers and doing the work before anxiety escalates. Take care of your mental health in ways that keep you calm and grounded. That way, when stress or conflict arises, it doesn’t completely take you under.

You Don’t Need Everyone to Get It

At the end of the day, what matters most is that you take care of your own mental health.

Yes, it’s painful when the people you love don’t understand. But trying to convince someone who doesn’t want to (or isn’t ready to) change is often a dead-end. Instead, focus your energy on building the life and peace you need to survive and thrive.

If You Can’t Find Support—Create It

Hopefully, you live in a home where you’re surrounded by people who love you, support you, and allow you to be vulnerable. But if you don’t, then your goal becomes this:
Create a space where you can be vulnerable anyway.

Let Yourself Feel It All

Be peaceful.
Be angry when you need to.
Be sad when you need to.
Be happy when you need to.

You’re allowed to experience the full range of emotions. You deserve that. And you don’t need anyone else’s permission to care for your mental health—especially when they won’t or can’t do it for you.